It is not really a good sign to bring this up myself again in the blog. I am not a kid any more who needs to tell upon people and ask for consolation. However the truth is I need to trash something out before I burst.

 

Met Carsten the other day and he is leaving pretty soon--back to Germany. He leaves MDI for some reasons. He told me then the project's so silly. As we were just on the stair way to PIC project office, I was thinking the exact same thing. "Every project has a silly stage somewhere" I said. His answer let me find the damn sentence I want to use on PIC--"What if it was silly right from the start?".

 

Half a year back I was thinking that to get into the project might be my turn. I really tried hard to learn stuff. The people around were helpful and cooperative. Now as the time being I just hate I cant get my butt out the shit faster. Useless to say, project is done by people. When it comes to "more than one persons", things cant be controlled rationally like it was supposed to be. The atomsphere is like "make all the stupid recommendations in the meeting and get away with no decision and no work". "Stupid people just don't see their stupidity". I don't want to blame that people are silly. However I tend to doubt they become silly working here.

 

Like I was told, care for what you want and go for it. What means important to you could well be just bullshit to others. It's just a job. "Mess it up and leave..." Today I think many people (especially elder and especially chinese) don't have principle; don't stand grounds; but favor upon how other people should behave. They just want to fake that they knew much and refuse the honesty. I am sure no one would ever remember my good in the project. Who cares? Stranger?

 

Toan is a nice guy. It's just the position he is in. Richard is... whatever. Maybe just the age. Sorry I leave cjpeter with all the geeks there. Sorry man, but you have a way out.

 

...If I take this piece to GRE I would screw again.